The Way It Used To Be
by way2you
Summary: We were 6 when it all started, when I met my best friend. Someone I would be friends with from then on. As we got older I knew acting and singing were things he always wanted to do but I never anticipated the effect it would have on not only our friendship but also the relationship we had started 2 years before. I was losing him and I knew it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It Had been 3 whole days since I had talked to James and thats unusual. We at least talk on the phone once a day and tried to skype or face talk as well but that was'nt always possible but we do talk everyday. I had tried to call and text which I normally would't do because I know that he is busy but I wanted to talk to him. Finally I did get a text from him; **James to Hannah- Im really sorry i haven't been able to talk to you. Ill call you as soon as I can. I MISS YOU! I love you Babe! :) **That was two days ago. Its not easy being with someone who is so hard to talk to or even get ahold of but I do it because I love him.

Sometimes I really wish things would go back to when we were 6. Life was a lot more simpler then. Our biggest worries were; doing your homework, it was getting dark way too early or on Sundays remembering you have to go to school the next day. Now with us its; when will I talk to him for longer then three minutes, when is the next time I will see him, or what time zone is he in, can I call him? It was easier then.

**_~Flashback~_**

I was 6 when I first saw him playing outside in his backyard which backed up to mine. I had never seen him before so I knew that he was new to the neighborhood and he had just moved there. I looked over to him and waved, he gave a shy wave back. I didn't say anything I just continued to play. Later that night while eating dinner my mother said something about the new neighbors who had moved in behind us. My mother wanted us to introduce ourselves to them but my father told her that we should wait for them to get settled before we went over.

A few days later my mother told my sister and I to join her when she went over to welcome them to the neighborhood. She reminded us to be on our best behavior and to be nice (not that we really needed a reminder, my sister and I were pretty much good kids with good manners). She rang the door bell when a man opened the door. "Hi, I'm Trish and these two young ladies are my daughters; Hannah and Kristin. We live behind you, and we just wanted to welcome you and your family to the neighborhood" My mother said. "Oh Thank you, yes come in. my name is John, very nice to meet you. This is my son James, James can you say hi to Hannah, Kristin and Mrs. Trish" he said. "Hi" was all the little boy said. After a few minutes of standing there with the two adults the little boy asked if we wanted to go to his room and play. We followed him to his room which was the size of not only my room but the size of my room and my sisters put together. He had a lot of toys. We played in silence for a little while before my sister said something. " Where is your mommy?" "Heaven" was his only response. When I heard him say this, even at 6 I felt sad for him but he didn't seem sad. We continued to play quietly until my mother came in to tell my sister and I that we needed to get going to wash up for dinner. We said goodbye and left.

~End Flashback~

I was brought out of my day dream by the ringing of my phone. "Hey" I said as I answered the phone, knowing it was James. "Hi before you tell me anything I want you to know that I am so sorry that I haven't been answering, its been crazy and when I get a free second I literally fall asleep where im standing or sitting" "No, No, I understand! So how did you get free this time?" "We actually have today off so I can talk to you as long as I want" "I cant talk long I have to get back to work, but how is everything, how are the guys?" "The tours great, New York was amazing, we had two shows there and then we went straight to New Jersey. It was crazy like I said but a lot of fun. The guys are great. We are all so tired" "Ill bet, you all should be tired" "Yea! Whats it like being back to work after having all summer off" "Fine, the kids are great so far but its still early" He starts to laugh. "That will all change once they get comfortable" "oh yea, it always happens like that. Well listen Ill call you when schools over, I have to get back to work." "OK I love you!" "I love you too" As I hang up the phone I can feel a tear fall down my face and I think to myself "I cant handle this anymore, I cant!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

~Flashback~

I had started 2nd grade and James was in my class. We played together on the playground and sat next to each other at lunch. We had become friends. Outside of school we would play, he would come to my house and me to his. We had become inseparable. His dad began asking my mom if she would get him off of the bus and keep an eye on him until he got home from work which would'nt sometimes be until 8 at night or so. After awhile he started coming to my house after school everyday because his dad started working more hours. His dad was a lawyer so he was a very busy man. James didn't have any brothers or sisters, it was just him. My parents loved having him at our house. It was never any kind of issue having him there. As time went on we began spending more and more time together. We played soccer on the same team and even basketball. On the weekends he would spend the night. Our parents had become close as well. Our dads would go on fishing trips together, go out for "drinks", they had become just as close as James and I. We loved it. James was originally from New York so a lot of his family lived there, but his dads whole family lived here in San Diego (not that it was much) and my extended family was huge. He would come with us to family events and since him and I were so close and I was close to my family they loved him.

~End Flashback~

I was exhausted walking into my house. I lived in a town house not too far from my parents. It was a nice place, two bedrooms two and half bathrooms, a basement and a nice backyard. It was just me and my German Shepard Lola. "I know Lola, Im getting it" I said to her as I got her some food out of the pantry. I fed her then walked upstairs to shower and change. I was so tired. The first couple of weeks with the kids are always tiring. Although it really didnt help that I was not really there mentally all day. Ughhh. There it is, that little ping in the pit of my stomach, the "James Ping". Oh no! I cant think about that right now. Im starving and I have things to still get organized for school. NO! I should just text him and see how he is, he did say he had the day off. No! Ill wait until later. I showered then I went down stairs, let the dog out and started dinner.

Later that night I was sitting on the couch watching T.V. and working on some things for school when my computer chimed. I opened it and it was James via skype. "Hey what are you doing?" He asked. I was very excited to see him. Even though a little part of me felt a little guilty about earlier when I talked myself out of calling him. "Hi, Doing school work. Hows that day off treatin ya?" With a smile, that smile that makes me crazy. He said "Great, we went sight seeing, a lot to see over here on the east coast. We went walking through DC, went to the White House. It was a lot of fun!". "Sounds like it" A huge head came in front of James on the screen "Hi Hannah, How you doin GIIIIRL?" " Hi Carlos, How are you?" "Good! Ill Let you get back to your boyfriend" "Bye" It was just James now "How was your day? Well the rest of it, anyway?" "Good, my kids are'nt actually too bad. But just getting back into the grind of things is tough, Im so tired!" "Yea understandable. I don't know how you do it!" We talked about anything and everything for about an hour and half then I needed to head to bed.

Laying in bed is when my mind goes crazy. Not just James related things but really everything but most of the time it is him that I think about. I knew 4 years ago when Big Time Rush started that my seeing and being with him was going to be limited and that was OK because I loved him and I figured that if we loved each other enough it would work no matter what. Him living in L.A. isn't't really that bad because its only a 2 hour drive so I do go there every other weekend and see him. Even though with the show he is really busy and has appearances to go to, I still get to see him. Its when he is on tour that really gets to me. He is so far, I rarely talk to him unless he has a day off. Like I said we do talk on the phone everyday but selfishly thats not enough. When people ask me things like "How do you deal with being so far away from him?" or "Whats it like not seeing him for weeks and weeks at a time?" I usually just answer with a smile on my face "oh its not too bad, we make it work" but the truth is, it freaking kills me and I hate it, I want him with me all the time and it sucks. Now don't get me wrong our relationship is great. When he is home or Im there we get along great, its always fun. I love being with him. He makes me the happiest person in the world its just that being with a famous pop star is tough especially when you have no clue what its like because your this "nobody" I guess you would call it. Being apart is the toughest thing in the world. I miss him so much that it physically hurts. To think back 4 years ago when he was living behind my house and then now...

(a/n) Thank you to those of you who have taken interest in my story! It is literally the first one I have ever done so forgive me for any stupid things i might do. But WOW this is a lot of fun! The next chapter should be up maybe...tomorrow?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

(a/n)- I lied. I got this idea and wanted to post it right away!

Disclaimer-No! I don't not own BIG TIME RUSH! Even though I'd like to...maybe just one of them anyway! :)

Work has been keeping me really busy these last few weeks. Thank God but tonight my sister was coming over for dinner which I really needed. Good sister-sister bonding. My sister is my best friend, I do not know where I would be without her. She has been there through everything. She was going to be getting there in about a half hour and we would start dinner then. I went to change and by the time I had gotten back down stairs she was there with a great big bottle of wine. "YESS! Just what I needed!" I said as I took the bottle from her. "That bad, huh?" She said with a giggle. Laughing "No, I just like wine." She asked about work, I told her it was going great and that I really was blessed with a great group of kids this year. We talked about work while getting dinner ready. She asked how James was and I simply said "Good" "Good? Why does it sound like there is more to that then just 'good'?". "Lets just say that I am glad he will be done with this tour in...32 days!" "Miss him?" I nodded my head taking a sip of wine. "Want to talk about it?" I shook my head. Honestly I was afraid of what I might say. Did I love Him? Yes! Was being apart really hard? Yes! Do I want things between us to end? No! But I was afraid it was inevitable so no I did not want to talk about it. She didn't say anything else about him. Dinner was ready, we sat down and ate talking about everything under the sun, about the latest beau in her life (they never lasted very long) My sister is a picky one. After dinner we went to the porch and sat out there in silence for a few minutes, taking in the quietness. Then she spoke, "so whats going on with you and James? You can sit there with this make-shift mask on your face Hannah but I know you and something is bothering you. Spill!" I took a deep breath, and my face started to get hot. I knew I was about to cry. "Ya know when this whole thing started he told me that this was going to happen one day or he hoped rather, that he would become this huge famous celebrity, its what he always wanted and I supported that because since we were 6 I knew that being an actor and or a singer were two things he always wanted to do," My sister just sat there nodding her head, "but I did not know it was going to be like this Kristin. I mean when we first started actually dating, not just friends there were auditions and trips to L.A. and long weekends away, I got used to that. Then when the show picked up he moved out there but he was able to come home a lot because he had weekends off, then the appearances started so I started going there which I didn't mind. And even the small tours ya know 15 cities or whatever, they were not that bad because it was only a couple of weeks I didn't see him, I could deal with that." I began to actually cry now. My sister came to sit next to me and said to me "I can only imagine how hard this must be for you but you guys have been doing this for 4 years now, you'll make it through this. I know you will" I looked at her and shook my head. "yea we have been doing this for 4 years and its not going to get any easier, if anything its going to get harder. Kristin, Big Time Rush is only getting bigger. And it was easier then because like I said he was only doing the show, small venues, scattered tours and appearances here and there, but now he is doing bigger venues and longer tours and appearances all the time." My sister said "Hannah, these are sacrifices you have to make to be in a relationship." "But YOU dont have to make these sacrifices, nobody else does" "OK, let me rephrase that, these are sacrifices you have to make to be in this relationship." I just looked at her through tear filled eyes. She began again "Look I know you love him and I know he loves you and you guys have been together a long time, maybe when he comes home you sit him down and you tell him everything you just told me." "it wont matter Kristin, there is nothing either one of us can do. He will still be doing all this. No matter what i say or do nothing is going to change. There isn't anything we can do. This is the way it is and this is the way its gonna stay." I stopped and just held my breath for a few seconds and then let it all lose again, I started sobbing. "Kristin I don't think I can do this anymore. Its not fair to me or him or to our relationship for that matter. More then anything in this entire world, I want us to work things out, I want us to be together forever but in the back of my mind I know..." I pauses and looked at her "its all going to end. It hurts so bad to know that. I ignore these feeling that I have, that feeling of just knowing because it hurts to bad to actually think about it. You have no idea how much I love that boy, no clue. That boy is my world, he is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. Kristin I really dont want to lose him, I dont but I am. In a way I feel like I already have." I could barely even talk at this point. My sister was now holding me in her arms listening to me hysterically cry. I love him and I didnt want to lose him but I couldnt help it.

That night after my sister left I sat up for quite awhile just thinking. I dont know what to do. He will be home in 32 days and I could not wait. I was so excited to see him but still there is that feeling. Im so confused because I want to be with him but then I dont want the stress of it all. Its not fair to either of us. I know I am losing him so why prolong it, why wait. But then I think, I dont know how to be without him, I dont know what it would be like without him because even though we were not together physically, we were together. Would I really be happier without him or would that make it worse. I mean I miss him when he isn't here but at least I get to talk to him on the phone and things like that. If we were not together all that would stop and then I would really miss him. Then again if we aren't together I wont have that constant reminder of him because I wont be talking to him so much. Ugh! I just dont want to lose him. I begin to cry. "God please help me" When he gets home I think I will just tell him exactly how I feel and go from there. He always told me "Hanna, I hope you will tell me if ever this becomes to be too much for you". Well its beginning to be too much for me James.

I know these chapters are really short but I would rather a lot of shorter ones then only a few longer ones. Not to mention the HDHD going on.


	4. Chapter 4

(a/n) I decided that I would do an entire chapter from James' POV, thought it would be fun so lets see.

Disclaimer-Do Not own BTR!

Chapter 4-James POV

Ugh...that was a tough show, really hot. I need to go to sleep, my head is killing me and I have been in a serious funk lately. I miss my own bed. I absolutely love doing the tour, the fans are great and I appreciate all the love we get but 3 months on the road sometimes gets the best of you. And not to mention I miss my family and Hannah. Thank God we have an entire week off, a week of absolutely nothing. I'm going home to San Diego and I CAN NOT WAIT! 25 more days. Again I love our fans but like I said, there is a lot I miss.

After the show we all walk back to our buses. Carlos and I share a bus and our basses stays with us as well. I hurry to the bus so I can get in the shower first and hopefully be able to call Hannah, if its not too late. God I miss her! After my shower its almost 12 midnight and Im not sure if its too late to call but I try anyway...No answer. She is probably sleeping. Being away from her these last three months has been horrible. I know she understands but I just wish things where a little different. I wish she could come with me on tour and be with me all the time but she has a life too. I wouldn't trade the opportunities that I have had for anything but it get to you sometimes thats for sure. I laid there for a few minutes just thinking when Carlos came in. "Hey, what are you doing just laying back here in the dark?" "I was trying to call Hannah but I think she's sleeping cuz she didn't answer." "Well dude it is..." he looks at his phone "12;15" "I know but I was hoping she was awake. I didn't talk to her today" "Yea, I know how that is. Are you OK man?" "Yup, I'm good" I tell him getting up to go get something to eat. He follows me down the small hallway through the bus. "Are you sure? Ya know you can talk to me right...about anything" "Yea man I'm fine, just tired and I have a serious headache. I'm gonna eat and then head to bed" He looked at me kind of strange and just said OK and sat down. I ate and like I planned I went to bed. Not that I went right to sleep. I laid there for almost two hours just thinking when finally I did fall asleep.

I woke up in a different city. Not really sure where but Logan will know, Ill ask him when I see him. Carlos was still asleep so I quietly got out of my bunk and changed into something more comfortable to go running in. I grabbed Fox and his leash and walked out the door. I have to remember where I'm running because again I'm not sure where I am and I don't want to get lost. I ran for a good hour and a half before I got back to the bus. Everyone was awake and in our bus. I went in a grabbed a pop tart put it the toaster and sat down next to Kendall. I looked at Logan "Where are we?" the other two looked at him as well and said "yea where exactly are we?" Logan didn't even look up from his huge bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch "Cleveland Ohio" we all nodded and went on talking. It was about 1:30 and we had a show at 7 so we had time to kill. We played video games, had a bouncy ball war and I even joined Logan in skateboarding, not that I really knew how to do it but it kept me busy. I needed to stay busy because if I didn't I'd drive myself nuts. It was time for us to do sound check and make sure everything was all good. We did the show and Cleveland was great as is any of our other shows, it was a lot of fun but every time we do Worldwide it gets to me a little, OK maybe a lot because it make me always wonder what Hannah is doing at that very second. I would never say that to anyone else because it supposed to be special for that one fan who does us the honor of joining us on stage but still. Its hard. I can still remember the day we decided to be more then just friends, that was one of the top 3 moments of my life.

~Flashback~

Homecoming was right around the corner and being in the 10th grade you had to make a name for yourself so you had to make sure you had a date, being as it was the first homecoming you would actually go to in your high school days because as 9th graders you just don't want to go. There just wasn't anyone that I really wanted to ask. All these girls where either stuck up, mean or just blah. I walked into my 3rd period class, English. Thank God I had this class with Hannah even though we were not allowed to sit any where near each other because apparently we talk too much. Whatever this lady was crazy anyway. I walked over and sat at the desk next to Hannah just until the bell rang then I'd have to go back to my seat. "Hey" I said as I sat down "Are you seriously doing your homework RIGHT NOW?" She looked at me and said "James say that a little louder, Mrs. Webber didn't hear you and yea I am, I didn't get to do it last night I was a little busy" "With what?" I asked because I think that I would know if she was busy. We did everything together. "I had to catch up on my One Tree Hill" she said smiling. I started laughing "your the worlds largest dork, you do know that right?" "shut up, if I remember correctly, you where over three nights ago watching it with me" "Shh I don't want people to know that" The bell rang so I walked back to my seat. Mrs. Webber was going on and on and on about Shakespeare. The time couldn't move fast enough, I swear. Then all of a sudden it hit me. Why not ask Hannah to go to Homecoming? I don't think she is going with anyone, well I know she isn't. And we are best friends so I'm sure she would.

Later that night we were sitting on her bad doing homework when I thought about asking her. For some reason I was nervous. I have no clue why, I mean we are friends why is it so hard just to open my mouth and ask. I sat there tapping my pencil. She looked up at me. "Problem?" I shook my head and went back to working on my homework. Come on James, its not like its prom or anything, its just homecoming and its not like you like her like that she is your best friend. "Who are you going to homecoming with?" I just blurted it out. "I was hoping you. I just thought it would be more fun, I mean unless you want to go with someone else which I would totally be OK with because..." I cut her off " I was thinking the same thing!"

A week later was homecoming. We got dressed at the same house because it wasn't like we had to do the whole traditional thing, we were just friends, we were just going together as friends. Not sure why I keep reminding myself of that but yea, just friends. A few minutes later she came walking in the room. She looked absolutely beautiful. It was at that very minute I realized I loved her and it was more then just a friendship kind of love, I was in love with her. That whole night I just kept thinking about my weird revelation and decided that I would keep it to myself and never say anything to her. After the dance we went home. She came to my house and we watched a movie. After the movie she said she was going to go home, she got up and headed toward the door. I grabbed her arm "Wait" I pulled her to me, hands on both sides of her face and just went for it, I kissed her. She didn't pull away, she was kissing me back. I pulled away from her "James" she said looking into my eyes, short of breathe. Then she did something I was not expecting at all, She kissed me. Greatest night of my life.

~End Flashback~

We weren't leaving right away so I went to get Fox and I was just going to take him for a walk before we got to moving. Carlos caught up to me, he had Sydney. "want some company?" "Sure" I answered him. "Great show tonight man, it was awesome" he said jumping up and down. "yea it was, it was a lot of fun. They always are" "I know, this is a great life we live" "Sure is! Get to see different places and go all over the country and other countries too, yea its pretty great." I told him. He looked at me and said "But on that same note I cant wait to be home. I get to see my family. Are you going back to San Diego?" "HELL YESSS!" I said almost at the top of my lungs. "I really miss my family and I really miss Hannah, oh man I cant wait to see her." "Ill bet dude!" he said. "Im Scared though" I told him. He stopped which made me stop as well, he looked at me and spoke "Why? What are you scared of" I didn't say anything. I kicked a piece of gravel. "Come on man you can talk to me, tell me anything, we are like brothers. You need someone to talk to, talk to me." I looked up to the sky and then to him "Im scared that Im losing her. It scares me shit-less to think that one day she is going to tell me that she cant handle it anymore and that she doesn't want to be with me. I'm just waiting for that phone call or a time when I go home or she comes to my house. Dude it petrifies me. I don't want to lose her." He came closer to me, put his hand on my shoulder, "Listen, that girls loves you. She has put up with a lot of shit for along time now. She is a great girl and I'm sure she will do what is right for not only her but for you too. Don't sweat it bud." "Its easy for you to say though. I cant ask her to keep going on with this relationship like this forever. I don't know if she would do it forever. Who knows how long this will last, I mean I hope for a very long time but how long is she gonna sit there and take it. I don't know, like I said, it scares the shit out of me. I love her so much and I don't want to lose her." "You wont" I didn't say anything else, I just started to walk. I don't know, something doesn't feel right. I needed to call her and talk to her. I needed to hear her voice. God I MISS HER!

OK so this was longer then any of my other chapters but thats because I don"t PLAN on doing anymore chapters from James POV. Hope you Like it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Tonight my parents are having a very nice, formal dinner party for a couple of their friends. They like to do that a lot. Of course my sister and I are invited. Yippee! Cant wait for this. Their friends were very nice but they're old. I just want to go home, get into comfy clothes, watch TV and lay on the couch. But no I have to stay here and entertain with my loving parents. I walk into my parents house "hello! Anyone home?" My mother appears from her room. "Hi honey, how are you?" "Tired" I tell her. "Well I thank you very much for coming over and helping your father and I" She says while putting earing into her ears. "Sure mom".

The party is in full swing. People were talking and having a good time. I was sitting on the stool in the kitchen next to my sister. She was talking to someone else so I was just sitting there taking in my surroundings when James' dad, Mr, John walked over to me. "Hey sweetheart. How are ya?" "Good and you?" I answered "Oh ya know same 'ol same 'ol. How excited are you about James coming home tomorrow?" I looked up at him with a huge smile on my face "very excited!" "Yea! Me too!" We chatted for a bit and then went on about through the party. It went on for a few more hours. I went to my mother and father to say goodbye before I headed home. Thank God its Friday. I was so tired, I went straight in let the dog out for a few minutes, changed into PJ's, brushed my teeth and washed my face. I went down to let the dog in and we both headed up to my bed. I was too tired to even turn the TV on. While laying there I realized 'James will be home tomorrow' it hit me all of a sudden. OH MY GOSH! HES GOING TO BE HOME TOMORROW. I knew when he was coming home but I have been so busy that I guess I just didn't realize. Now I knew I was never going to be getting any kind of sleep. I looked at the clock, 1:37 am. I was excited about him coming home, I mean cloud nine excited but I knew while he was home I was going to have to talk to him about our relationship. I don't want it to end but then again selfishly I want more. I just want to know if this is all I am going to get, is this as far as it goes? Are we always going to be in a long distance relationship. I stopped myself, Hannah just be excited for a little bit that you get to see him tomorrow, you can actually touch him for the first time in 3 months. With that I did drift off to sleep.

The next morning I woke up with a huge smile on my face. I had a text message from James;**6 hours and I will be with you. :) I can't wait to put my arms around you and kiss you and...yea! ;) **Ugh! That boy! I got out of bed showered and got ready. I had a few things to get at the grocery store. I put my shoes on and walked out the door. These next four and half hours are going to drag. After I got back from the grocery store and put things away I looked at the time. Its ONLY 1. Seriously 2 more hours. What the hell am I going to do for 2 hours? I decided to take the dog for a walk. I got back to the house around 2. I was cleaning up a little just to keep myself busy. I heard the door bell. Who is the world is this, I wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door and right there in front of me was James. "AHHH" I screamed jumping into his arms "I thought you wouldn't be getting here for another hour!" "We made it back early" He said before he put his lips to mine, carrying me into the house. He put me down but kept his arms around me. "I really missed you" he said moving a piece of hair behind my ear. "Oh you have no idea" I told him before I kissed him again, very passionately this time. I fit perfectly in his arms, are lips were like to puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. I missed this. He walked me over to the couch, we were so caught up in each other and the passion and the whole missing each other I didn't even know where we were or what was going on. All I knew was I missed him and I missed being with him in more ways than one. I just wanted to feel him, all of him. Clothes were being taken off and we made Love right there on my couch. I Love him.

We were laying there on the couch. He was telling me about the tour and the different places he saw and the thing he was able to do, he told me how much he missed me. I didn't say anything I just nodded my head, taking in the fact that he was here with me. I was laying in his arms. The greatest place on earth to be. If I could stay like this forever I would be one happy girl. After a little while I looked up at him, "maybe we should get dressed and go see your dad" He started laughing "yea he may be a little upset about me coming here and SEEING you before even telling him I was home, if you know what I mean" I smacked him lightly "Stop it". After we got dressed he called his Dad and said he wanted to meet him. We went to his office and had lunch with him. His Dad was almost as excited as I was. We went back to his Dads house and hung out with him for awhile. Had dinner and they talked, I just sat there and listened to the two of them talk taking it in. I was thinking to myself how nice it is to see them just talking and I guess you would call it bonding, it was nice. I kept think how nice it would be if he was able to do this all the time with his Dad, but I know thats not possible at least for a long time.

That night we were laying on the couch together, just the two of us, well and the dogs who were laying on the floor. James looked beside him at me and said that he had something to tell me. "We have extended the tour for 18 more shows in South America!" He looked a little sad as he said this. I couldn't help but tense up and be a little upset about it. "Well how long will you be gone?" "Are last show will be November 23rd" That was 2 and a half months from now. "OK" and with that I got up and walked into the kitchen. James followed me, "Look Hannah I know its 2 and a half months but we have too do it." He walked over to me and put his arms around my waist "It sucks, it does but there isn't anything I can do about it. Im sorry. I don't want to be away that long again but I love what I do and I have to do it." I backed away out of his reach. "James we need to seriously talk about this, I mean us." With sadness suddenly coming across his face. "I knew this was going to happen." He was now looking down at his bracelets on his wrists. "James, you told me that if this ever got to be too much for me that I needed to tell you" he wasn't looking at me "James its beginning to be too much. I cant take it anymore, I know this is your job and what you have always wanted to do but being with you, it takes work, I just need more then this. If all we are ever going to be is a couple that has a long distance relationship then I don't want it." He hasn't looked up at me yet. "Don't get me wrong, I love you more then anything else in this entire world but I need more." Looking up at me with tears in his eyes made me begin to cry. "I don't know what to say" he said. I nodded looking at the wall beside him. "James Im sorry" "I don't blame you, I understand!" With that he turned around and walked into the living room. I stood there in shock, realizing that I had just ended a 7 year relationship with the one person who I loved with every fiber of my being. Thats it, I've officially lost him. A few minutes later he walked back into the kitchen walked over to me with red eyes, put one arm around me and kissed the top of my head and said "I love you Hannah, Goodbye" I didn't say anything. Nothing. Nothing at all. I let him walk out the front door. As soon as the door shut. "I love you too James, Goodbye" As soon as it left my mouth I felt myself hit the floor, hands to my face sobbing. I miss him already.

(A/N) - sorry this one took a little while to get up. I have been really busy and it may be a few more days before I get another chapter up. Thank you!


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry this chapter is really short but I wanted to get something out asap.

* * *

One year, three months and thirteen days!

Thats how long it has been since the last time I saw James, it has been a very long year, 3 months and 13 days for me. Not a single day goes by that I don't think about him or wonder how he is, how the band is doing. I hear about them on TV and I read about them on the Internet. BTR won three KCA's and are set to go on another world tour in the spring. I'm happy for them but I cant help but think that maybe they are doing a lot better now that James isn't tied down to a girl from back home, not that "back home" is really that far. Their have been nights that I really wanted to just get in my car and make that 2 and half hour trip to LA just to see him but I'm not sure if he even wants to see me.

After we broke up, I kept in contact with Carlos being as he was probably the closes one to him. He would tell me that he really missed me and that he wasn't really the same James anymore. He would say that he would go out and do a show but as soon as it was over he would go right to the hotel or to the bus and shut his self off from the world. After awhile Carlos would just tell me that he was better and that he was starting to act more and more like his self which was great but a part of me felt hurt because I knew that, that meant he was starting to get over me. But for me it wasn't so easy. Up until recently I would cry myself to sleep thinking that maybe I made a mistake. I missed him so much it physically hurt. But I knew it was for the best. He was free to travel the world and not have to worry about me. He was free to do his job and not have deal with me. I started to convince myself that it was definitely the right thing to do. It didn't mean that it didn't hurt still because let me tell you, like I said, not a day goes by that I don't miss him.

After we ended things it took me forever to get rid of (and by get rid of I mean shove in a box in the bottom of my closet) all the pictures that where scattered all around my house of him and I. Not to mention all the other things that reminded me of him. I still had some of his things at my house, I still do, they are in that box. But putting it all away was the hardest thing I had to do. It made it final. I can still remember the day that he told me he was leaving to live in LA.

~Flashback~

"Hannah, where are you" I could hear James yell as he walked into the house. "In here" I answered. He walked into my bedroom and sat on the bed. I was finishing up homework. "Hey, what are you doing?" "Homework, whats up?" I said sitting up from laying on my stomach. He looked at me with the biggest smile on his face, "I got the part, we start reading next month." "AHHHHH! OH MY GOSH! Thats amazing babe" I threw my arms around him and kissed him. "Congratulations." "Thank you! But there is some bad news." I looked at him a little confused. "I have to move to LA." I couldn't help but be sad about that. He practically lived in my backyard, I saw him every single day of my life since we were 6. We did everything together and now all of a sudden he was leaving. "OK." was all I managed to get out. "I know it sucks. I don't want to leave but I really need to do this." "I know, and you know what? I am so proud of you. This is an amazing opportunity and you have to do whatever needs to be done to go after your dreams. We can't be sad about you leaving, this is a great thing." "Really, you mean that?" "Yes! I do. Yea it will suck being so far away from you but its only a 2 and half hour drive from here." "Yeah and I'll come home every chance I get." "We can do this. We can, I know we can." He looked over at me "Promise?" "Promise"

~End Flashback~

Who would have thought I would be the one to break that promise. With that thought I had to get ready for my parents annual Christmas Eve party. I was really excited to see my family, family that we don't get to see much and friends as well. Christmas was always my favorite holiday. Even though you see on TV where towns have snow on the ground around Christmas time, I always wished we had that but no, here in San Diego, on Christmas it may get around 60. Never cold enough for snow. James used to tell me about times when he lived in New York before he moved here, he could still remember going out in the snow on 'snow days' and playing with his friends and building forts and having snow ball fights. We never had any of that. If I wanted to see snow I had to go to another state or to a snow resort. After getting ready I headed to my parents house. When I pulled up I notice all the cars that where there. When my parents do anything they have to do it big. Walking in the house I was stopped by a few family members and friends, the usual short conversations "How are you?" Hows work?" "Are you ready for Christmas?" That one made me laugh, well I better be ready since tomorrow was the big day. I finally made it to my sister who was standing in the kitchen. "Hey Hannah!" She said as we hugged. "Hey!" You see mom and dad yet?" "Yea I passed mom by the door but she was talking to a friend so I didn't bother, I'll see her in a bit" "Are you hungry?" My sister asked. "Yea ill make my way over there in a minute!" I answered. "Well you better hurry, Uncle Jake has been over there twice already and is about to make his way there for the third time." We both laughed. "I better get over there then"

After a couple of hours of eating and having small conversations with family and friends, I was ready to leave. I went to find my sister. She was coming to my house tonight like she does every Christmas since we moved out of our parents house. We always said that until we have families of our own we will spend Christmas Eve together and wake up together. People wondered why we didn't just stay with our parents and I think the reason we didn't was because we were "too old" for that. I chuckled to myself knowing that my sister and I stay together on Christmas Eve and some may say we are "too old" for that too but whatever. I found my sister talking to my moms sister Aunt Cathy. I walked over to them. My aunt was talking about how wonderful her kids were and how wonderful her grandchildren were. Her kids were much older than my sister and I. My aunt always liked to "One-up" my mom and dad. But my mother never cared. It bothered me my sister and my dad more than in bothered her. I stood there waiting for them to finish so I could ask my sister if she was ready to go soon but they just kept talking and talking. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw someone walking in through the front door. I looked over, my heart stopped, I felt like I was going to fall to the floor, my knees where feeling like they were about to give out on me, I had every emotion imaginable run through my head. I thought for a second that I might throw up or pass out one or the other. He looked straight into my eyes. "James"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

RING RING RING! I thought I was dreaming that the phone ringing especially when I opened my eyes and saw the clock said 3:19 am. I started to drift back to sleep when I heard it again. I sat up and looked at my phone 'Mom'? What in the hell..."Mom, whats wrong?" If someone is calling you at that hour there has to be something wrong. "Hannah, honey, you need to get dressed and come here now." "Mom whats wrong, is dad OK?" "Yea he's fine" she took a deep breath and started to speak again "Hannah there was a plane crash and -" "A plane crash? What? What are you talking about?" "Hannah a plane, it crashed, the guys were on it." The tone in my mother's voice was shaky. "Guys?" "Yes Hannah James and the guys, they were on their way back from Vegas and -" I didn't hear the rest, my heart went to my throat. "No God No!" "Hannah get here now" I didn't say anything else, I don't think I did anyway. All I was thinking was 'God please let me just wake up from this horrible nightmare, please God.'

I have absolutely no recollection of getting into my car or driving to my parents house, I was just there, standing in the kitchen waiting for someone to tell me what in the hell was going on. I wanted to scream at someone to tell me something, I wanted to know what, where, when, who, how but there was nothing. Nothing was coming out of my mouth. Every hair on my body was standing on end. "Hannah, Mr. John is at his house lets walk over." My mother told me as she started to walk me to the back door so that we could just walk through the backyard into his house. The next thing I knew I was running full speed to his house, leaving my mother behind. I thought I was taking the door down, I went through it that fast. "Please tell me you know something." I was breathing heavy and I noticed I was now crying. "Mr. John please tell me he's alive." "Honey, I don't- I don't know. He text me around ten to tell me they were taking off and he told me the flight number. I was doing some work when a news flash came across the screen on my computer and said that there was a plane crash right outside LAX airport and it was the same flight number." He paused and took a deep breath. I could tell he was on the verge of tears which would have been understandable but for some reason he didn't have any tears at all. I'm not sure how long my mother had stood next to me but she grabbed my arm and spoke. "Have you called local hospitals?" "Yes they said that they have people flooding into them and surrounding hospitals as well and that I could go there to see if maybe I could find him or identify him." He hung his head and then looked back at us "so I'm going to head up there now." He picked up his coat and keys "Ill let you know when I hear anything" I looked at him "Im going with you." My mother then said "Yea I think I should go too."

~Flashback~

Christmas eve party.

'James' I have wanted to see him so bad in the last year but I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to see him. What am I going to say? What am I going to do? Holy shit! "Merry Christmas Hannah." James said as he hugged me. "Hey! Merry Christmas." I said back with the fake-st smile I could muster. "Surprised to see you here." "Yea. Well they gave us a few days off so I decided to come home for Christmas." "Good! I'm sure your dad is excited." "Oh yea." Wow! This isn't how I pictured this going down. I'm not really sure what I thought was going to happen but I didn't think we would stand here like nothing happened, like we never loved each other. I don't know but standing here in front of him was starting to become painful. I asked him how things were going with the band and everything else. He told me that it was all going great and that he was excited about starting the tour in the spring. Then he said something that felt like he punched me right in the face. "The happiest I have ever been." I would have felt better **_had_** he punched me in the face, I would have prefered that. I looked at him like 'really'. "Im sorry I have to go" And I took off out the front door. I didn't care that I was leaving my sister behind I didn't care that I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just knew I had to get the hell out of there. I would call my sister from the car and tell her to meet me at my house when she was ready to leave. I felt the tears falling from my eyes. 'the happiest he has ever been'? Really? "Hannah. Wait." It was James following me. I didn't turn around until I felt someone grab my arm. "Hannah." "Really James? The _Happiest_ you have ever been. What the hell does that mean? Did _I_ not mean anything to you? Did the 7 and half years we were together not mean anything to you? God, what the hell was I thinking because that was probably the happiest I had ever been and probably ever will be. James just go back in there and have fun." "The day you told me that we were over, that you had enough you broke my heart into a million pieces. Don't you think that hurt me. After 7 and half years you were just ready to end it and say "_fuck it_ I can't handle it". That hurt Hannah. It did and I know I told you that if it ever got to be too much to tell me but Jesus Hannah I didn't think that it was going to be the first time things got tough for you." "The first time? Seriously, I put up with this shit for 4 year. Four years James I sat around waiting and waiting. I'm sorry that I wanted more than just a long distance relationship, forgive me." "If thats what helps you sleep at night but you know damn right well that you bailed the first chance you got." I was now crying out loud. "I baled? No I didn't bail I wanted more and I knew that was not going to happen so yes I told you." "And you walked away from us. You weren't even willing to try to make it work." "I TRIED TO FUCKING MAKE IT WORK FOR 4 YEARS." " And again the first time it got tough, you walked away. Hannah just remember you did this. This right here-" he said pointing between the two of us "-this is all your fault. We will never be friends or anything like it because a year and a half ago you decided to walk away from us. Remember that."

~End Flashback~

I'm not really sure how long we have driven, I think I fell asleep or maybe its just that I'm on auto pilot. I look at the clock on the dashboard to see if maybe I could figure it out. It says 6:24 but that doesn't really mean anything because I'm not really sure what time it was when we left. I don't know, ugh I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I lean back against the window, neither my mom nor Mr. John are saying anything, not really sure if they had said anything this entire time. I hope we get there and everything is OK. I hope everyone is OK for that matter. Oh my gosh! Please God let me wake up. I just wish that we knew something. I did venture to the Internet but all they are saying is that their was a plane crash and they aren't sure about any fatalities. They say they haven't received any numbers. Numbers? He is a number now, they all are, they are numbers. They don't really know what caused it yet either. I don't want to think about it because the thought of never seeing him again made me want to throw up but I couldn't help but to think about the last conversation I had with him. God if that's the last conversation I had with him- 'stop Hannah' I started to cry silently. I knew we were now somewhere near LA because I began seeing signs for the airport.

linelinelinelinelinelineline lineline

After checking two hospitals they sent us to the trauma center. Mr. John walked over to the receptionists desk "Im looking for my son, he was involved in the plane crash-" The blonde haired girl responded "Yes sir we have 14 patients from that crash, ill get the doctor for you." We walked to the waiting area and sat. Not one of us said anything, we just waited. A tall, white-haired man approached us, "Hi, Im Dr. Lutz. I understand your here to find your son." Mr. John nodded "We have been to 2 other hospitals and they sent us here", it was the same routine as the last two hospitals we had been to. The doctor began speaking again "OK, you can come with me-" he looked at my mother and I "-sorry only one." They disappeared behind double doors. My mother and I sat in silence, neither one of us saying anything.

linelinelinelineline

After what seemed to be hours Mr. John came out from behind the double doors with his face red and tears falling from his eyes. Oh God no! I stood up and ran to him as fast as my shaky legs could carry me, "Is he here?" I asked with tears falling down my face. His head fell, "IS HE HERE?" I said sternly. He looked up at me and nodded "Yes he is, Hannah he is here."

(A/N) Next chapter will be up ASAP!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Yes he is, Hannah he is here"

I had a few emotions running through my head at this point. I was happy we had finally found him but then I remembered where we were, The Trauma Center. If he was here then that must have meant he was in bad shape or maybe he wasn't alive at all, his dad was crying after all. "Is he alive?" Thats all I could say at the moment. Mr. John picked up his head a looked straight at me. "Yes!" My mom then spoke "Is he OK?" The doctor put his hand on Mr. John's shoulder and began to speak "He had severe trauma to his upper body, his right lung was punctured. We had to go in and do emergency surgery to repair that. He also suffered a few broken bones; left cheek bone, right arm and his right clavicle. When we brought him in he was awake and he was suffering from some serious pain. Right now we have him in an induced coma and the reason we did this is because he is still in a lot of pain and we want him to stay as comfortable as possible for now." It was a lot to take in. Oh my gosh, all this damage to one person. I looked to the doctor "When can we see him?" The doctor answered "I will come back out and get one of you at a time." I nodded my head and sat down. I was shaking and I was nauseous, I wanted to see him. I wanted to feel that heart of his beating. I needed to see for myself that he was alive. My mother and Mr. John were sitting on either side of me, I turned to Mr. John "Did you see any of the other guys? Are they here too?" "I didn't see any of them but im sure we will hear something very soon." He said.

The doctor came back "You can see him now, one of you at a time." James dad looked to me "You can go in, I saw him a little while ago, ill go in when you come back." I stood up and followed the doctor through the double doors, down a very long hallway and past rooms that had other patients in them. "Here you are." He said motioning toward the room. It was a little dark but I could see him laying on the bed. I walked in slowly, I felt tears fall from my eyes and hit my shirt. It didn't look like him. He had bandages on his face, his arm was in a sling that looked like it was taped to his body. The side of his face that wasn't covered in bandages had bruising all over it. He had a breathing tube in is mouth. I started to cry harder and harder as I got closer and closer. His lips were purple and both eyes were black. It didn't look like him at all. The monitors were beeping and buzzing rhythmically. I looked up at them and noticed the one that showed his heart beat and that was when I lost it. I fell to the chair put my head down and just cried. I grabbed his left hand and held it, it was almost life-less. It didn't hold mine back like it once did. "Please wake up and be OK. I need you to be OK." I just started talking, it came out of nowhere. "Please! I need you to wake up, I need to know that your OK. The doctor says you are going to be fine but I need to hear you say it." I paused and took a deep breath. I started to sob again. "I'm so sorry for the way we ended things. I didn't mean to hurt you, I hope you can forgive me. Im sorry that it took something like this to happen in order for me to tell you I was sorry but I am. Please God James wake up and tell me its all going to be fine. Please." After awhile, sitting there holding his hand and crying I looked at the clock. I had been in here for almost an hour. I stood up, leaned over to him and kissed his forehead "I love you James."

LINE

Mr. John tried to tell my mother and I that we should head home and get some sleep. I wasn't going home though, not with James like this. I was staying here until he woke up. I had decided that I was going to get a hotel and stay here in LA until I knew more on James condition and then I would go home after that. My mother had gone home though. I had called work and explained everything to them and thankfully they completely understood and told me to take all the time I needed. We found out that Kendall and Carlos were here but Logan was not. Kendall's family had flown in from Kansas. We ran into them in the lobby. He had a couple of broken bones and a fractured sternum and he was awake. Carlos's family was now here from Florida and they had told us he was doing OK and was expected to make a full recovery. He also had a couple of broken bones. I was planning to go see Carlos before we went to a hotel to MAYBE get some sleep but first I was starving. I went to the cafeteria and grabbed a sandwich. I took two bites and threw it away. I couldn't eat anymore. I began heading toward Carlos's room. When I walked into to his room he was sleeping, I went to turn when I heard him speak. "Hannah?!" "Hey-" I said with a smile "-How are ya?" "I feel like I was in a plane crash." He said with a small giggle "But other then that OK I guess considering they have me pretty doped up on some serious meds now." I went further into the room and sat down in the chair next to his bed. We were quiet for a minute. "Have you seen him?" He asked. I just nodded looking down at my fingers. "How is he?" He asked another question. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. Out of all the guys, besides James, I was probably the closest with Carlos, and that was because he and James were pretty close. Not that James wasn't close with the other two but he was the closest to Carlos. "Im not really sure, they say he will be fine but he is still sleeping, they say they really wont know anything as far as his injuries and the severity of them until he wakes up." Carlos put his hand over mine. "Hannah, he's going to be OK. We all know James, he's a fighter. He will pull through. He always does." I looked him in the eyes, "thank you". "No Problem" "What happened up there?" I asked. "In the plane before it-" I nodded "They pilot came on the thing and said we were about to land and to buckle our seat belts and by the time we got them on the plane started to rock and I really didn't think anything of it because that has happened before so we just thought 'ah whatever' but then it started to really rock and I started to get a little nervous. I looked over to Kendal who was sitting next to me and he was looking a little scared. The pilot came back on and said we were hitting some turbulence and their wasn't anything to worry about, the next thing I know everything went black. I woke up, I guess when we were on the ground and I could hear screaming,-" he paused, looking up at the ceiling, "-it was James. I couldn't get out of my seat belt to find him but I could see Kendall because he had sat beside me and Logan was on the other side, they were both, I guess knocked out. I couldn't see James though. He must have been thrown from him seat" I cringed at that thought "because he _was_ sitting next to Logan by the window_. _Then I blacked out again and now I'm here."

line

The next morning I went back to the hospital and sat in James' room. I went through email's and watched TV. His dad was in and out all day but we never really talked while we were both in there. I decided I would go get something to eat so I walked down to the café on the bottom floor. I sat by myself and drank my coffee. What was I going to say to him when he woke up? I'm sorry? I love you? What? Ugh! I just want him to wake up. I don't care if all he says to me is "I hate you" or whatever I don't care, I just want him to wake up and be fine. Whats going to happen once they are all out of here and normal again? I saw Kendall yesterday after I went to see Carlos. He was in good spirits and was talking about the plane crash. He said the last thing he remembered was the shaking of the plane and then he woke up here. Logan was at a nearby hospital, he wasn't air lifted they took him by ambulance. He had bumps and bruises and no broken bones. I would make my way to see him later today. His parents called Mr. John and said he was just really worried about James. They all were. He was the only one not awake. My phone buzzed in my pocket, "Hello" I answered. It was James' dad "Hannah, James is awake. He wants to see you." My heart stopped. Really!? He wants to see me. I made my way to the elevators then to the seventh floor and then to his room I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him, sitting up in the bed. He looked to me and smiled that smile that could melt an ice-cube, I smiled back and made my way to him.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm really sorry about the delay...I have been over loaded with homework and was recently on vacation. I'm working on Chapter nine as we speak. I'll have it up very soon... Promise. Thanks for your patience.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Its been 3 months since the plane crash and the guys are making a full recovery. They are all in good spirits about the whole thing and cant wait to get back to work. The broken bones have healed and the bruises as well. Kendall went back to Kansas with his family to rest. Carlos went home to Florida and Logan went back to Texas. James was home in San Diego but they all were soon heading back to LA to continue with their lives as Big Time Rush. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I mean James and I aren't together but I have seen him a lot in the last 3 months since he has been home so I was going to miss him. His dad has really loved having him home too. James and I had decided that we would just be _friends_ and go from there. It was strange at first I think because it had been so long since we had just been friends. But I would take it because the last conversation we had before the accident he had told me we would never be friends so if he was willing to be my friend then that was OK with me. Even though a small part of me still felt like I had made a mistake by telling him I couldn't be with him anymore but for now we needed to be just friends.

~Flashback~

In the hospital

He smiled that smile that could melt an ice-cube and I made my way to him. "Hey" I said as I hugged him. "Hey" He answered. "How are you feeling?" I asked pulling away from him, sitting in the chair next to him. "Tired, but good I guess." "Good" Sitting here felt wrong and right at the same time because the last time we saw each other, we were fighting and he told me we would never be friends again. His dad stood and said he was going to make a phone call. James and I sat there in silence for a few minutes when he then spoke. "Have you been here the whole time?" "Yea, when your dad called my mom she called me and we drove here." "Wow" I looked up at him "You sound surprised!" "I am." "Why?" "I don't know, I just didn't think you would want anything to do with me, especially after everything I said to you the last time I saw you." "Regardless of what was said and done James I needed to be here, not only for your dad but for you. Just because things were said that should or shouldn't have been said doesn't mean I don't still love you and want you alive and well, we were friends, not only boyfriend and girlfriend." "Yeah" he paused, took a deep breath and looked up to me. "Thank you, I'm really happy your here." "Me too" I said and smiled at him. "Friends?" He said holding out his hand. I took it in mine and said back "Friends!"

~End Flashback~

I was going over to James' dads to see James. He was leaving the next day and I wanted to spend some time with my _friend_ before he left. God only knows when the next time I would see him was going to be. When I walked in he was sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey, what are you doing?" I asked walking in. "I was packing but I got a little distracted-" I looked at the TV "-Keeping up With the Kardashians Marathon." "Really? Keeping up With the Kardashians?" "Yes, I love this crap." "Your worse then a female, I swear." I sat down next to him on the couch and was sucked in. We watched 4 hours of the brainless show before his dad came in and said he had dinner. It felt like back when we were kids. It was nice. We talked at the table for a while before James said he really needed to pack for his trip back to LA. He asked if I wanted to help. "As much fun as _that_ sounds, I really should get home a grade some papers." James walked me out to my car and before I got in he stopped me. "I have question." I turned around to face him. "OK, ask away." "Don't get mad but I have to know and I hope it doesn't ruin what we have now." I'm a little nervous now. "Just ask me James." "Do you regret the decision you made, ya know when you said you couldn't handle it anymore?_" _"Where is this coming from?" "Hannah I just want to know if there is maybe any hope for us, ever." I didn't say anything for a few minutes. Before I could answer he spoke. "I shouldn't have said anything, Im sorry Hannah." He turned to walk back into the house before looking back to me "Goodbye Hannah." Before he reached the steps to the porch I turned around. "James wait." I ran to him and stood directly in front of him. "Yes, everyday James. Everyday I regret telling you I couldn't handle it. I regret it because not a day goes by that I don't think about how much I love you and how much I miss you. I miss you, all of you, the way you look at me, the way you touch me, I miss it all. I want it all back. I want you back. I need you. This time away from you has been hell." I waited for him to say something but he didn't say anything he leaned down and cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. God I missed this. That night, lets just say he didn't spend his last night home in his dads house. It was my house he spent his last night.

We laid there in each others arms for a while before either of said anything. This was my happy place. I love just laying with him, listening to his heart beating and his breathing. It always felt right being in his arms. "What are you thinking?" He asked. I smiled. "How happy I am. Finally." He squeezed me tighter, bringing me a little closer, if possible, to him. "Yeah, me too." He kissed the top of my head. I moved my head to look him in the face. "I have to be stronger this time." He rolled his eyes. "Hannah, I don't blame you. It can't be easy for you, I have to understand that too." "Yeah but I knew this was how it was going to be and I need to realize that." "We both will work on it all." "Yes because as much as we love each other, it shouldn't be this hard. Love will concurs all." I said with a fist pump to the air. We both started laughing and started on round two.

My Happy Place


End file.
